Bouncing Back

To be honest, dear readers, I have been majorly avoiding this entry because I stumbled hard on the health trail this week and haven’t gotten back up yet. It’s not because of major emotional trauma or even just being too busy. Ladies and gentlemen, it started with the blister.

I bought new shoes, because the ones I had were about 2 years old; maybe older because I tried to reorder the same ones (They were great shoes! They lasted 2 years!) but they are no longer made. It was definitely time for a new pair though, because I was starting to a stress fracture on the outside edge of my left foot. I limped over to the sports store (name redacted to protect the innocent) and bought some new ones. They felt great! My arches were supported, the sore spot that prompted buying the shoes didn’t hurt, and they were pink and springy. Winners all around! Then I went on a walk the next day and sprouted the biggest blister in my life. “No biggie!” I thought. “I’ll take the weekend off and be back at being a badass next week!” Oh Reader, how wrong I was.

Cut to Monday. Giant Blister is a whisper of its former self, and I’m feeling my oats, so I lace on the new shoes, and set off. The first half of the walk I was fine. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I was sweating in a good way. I was conscious of the blister, since there was still a decent size mark, but it was deflated, and I had put a band aid over it so it wouldn’t puff up. Then I felt this pain where my ankle and heel meet like a tiny dagger had stabbed me, and then a gushing feeling. “FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK.” I thought, “I’m halfway through, so if I turn around, I am going to feel like a loser AND still walk the same distance to get back.” I powered forward (to victory!) looking like Frankenstein’s assistant because the hurt foot was tippy toeing and the other was stepping regularly. I got home and took off the devil shoes, and the sock that was now sticking to Giant Blister’s evil minion, Mini Blister, which had formed in the middle of the old blister’s space.

I decided to stop messing around and figure out how to get this healed quickly. For most people, that would be a bandage with Neosporin and some rest. But I have a hard head am allergic to Neosporin. I ordered these special blister cover things that work like pimple patches. I cleaned my foot and slapped that bad boy on, then went off to work in cute heels, that DESTROYED the blister patch. I thought “well it had a full day on, I’ll just put on another and go for my walk.” The pink devil shoes (predictably) angered Giant Blister and Mini Blister. I rested 2 days with a 3rd blister patch and when it was ready to come off swapped it with a regular band aid and wore the devil shoes to the gym. It was Saturday then and too hot to walk outside. It worked out fine, When I got off the treadmill and started stretching Band-Aid slipped out of place and both blisters SCREAMED like hell.

Tired of the foot pain, I now wanted to saw the foot off and trade it in. I rested for a few days telling myself I would take this time to read up on better nutrition and research less painful shoes. And that is where I got lazy. I bought books about the science of running and an autobiography of an Olympic runner so I could run better and write better about it. I bought 2 cookbooks by a multi-Olympic marathoner and her best friend. So far, I’ve read the intro to both cookbooks and the first chapter and a half of the scientific book. The autobiography remains unopened.

Here’s the thing. After all this, I felt stupid. I felt lazy. I felt well rested. And the 3rd feeling – well rested – is the most important one. I’m starting to realize that the self-doubt and beating myself for the days I’m not doing what I need to might be a bigger hurdle than actually walking and running. A bad mood begets a bad attitude, begets bad habits, which beget a bad life. I am really going to have to focus my efforts on not engaging in what my friend calls “stinking thinking”. This may be easier said than done, given my depression, but I’ve been to therapy before, and one of the first things I learned was to use overthinking for good instead of evil. The idea is to poke holes in the plot of “bad” thinking. If I think “I’m awful at this!” ask myself “why?” the first answer will be something like “I’m fat and slow and no one likes me” and again.

“Why?”

“because I don’t run”

“why?”

“because I’m bad at it”

And when I sound like a toddler using circular logic, the answer to a solution becomes evident. In this case, “GO RUN ANYWAY, STUPID!”

Until my blisters fully heal though, I can’t do that so I’m going to focus on additional ways to benefit the running. Tonight, yoga. Tomorrow, strength training and reading the cookbooks in earnest. Sunday, rest and grocery shop. Monday, Zumba (barefoot). And Tuesday, get back to walking, in new new shoes, and return the devil shoes from whence they came.

Happy Friday everyone!